Reemergence
by SuperMagicScalpel
Summary: After the Lauren and Leah fiasco that NEVER. EVER. SHOULD. HAVE. HAPPENED. how will Callie and Arizona heal their broken marriage? Is it worth saving or will they discover that everyone has their limits and strain on a marriage can spell out it's sticky end. May start out angst-y...but give it a try anyway.
1. Chapter 1

**So I told myself I wasn't going to do this kind of Calzona fic, but then I read a few and I thought, well…why not?! I can only guarantee two chapters a week, but if I find time between work and classes, you will get more. I like for my characters to have depth and I will try my hardest to give that to these characters (Even though Shonda really does it so much better.) Anyway, read this and review, because I can't keep posting crap! I need criticism to know how to improve!**

_Callie_

I sat in the dark, with little more than the light of a table lamp as my guide, stretched out on the couch. The same couch my cheating, lying wife had been sleeping on since she agreed to come home. A glass of red wine in hand, I swirled the drink around a little as I took a break from writing what could quite possibly be the hardest letter I had ever penned. With Sofia sleeping and Arizona still at the hospital, I had retreated into myself.

I used to believe that there was no way anyone could ever be more dark and twisty than Cristina and Meredith. But now, Meredith was a regular ball of sunshine and rainbows since Bailey had been born and she finally got her dream of being both a surgeon and a mother of two. Cristina, though clearly on the outs with Meredith and secretly missing Owen, was even happier than she'd ever been before. It seems their posts weren't left vacant forever though. I soon took up where they left off. Dark and twisty didn't even begin to describe the rage and inner turmoil I felt over the last few weeks, hell even this whole year.

I never used to be this way. I was a self-proclaimed badass and I was hardcore in the OR, but for those I loved I would move mountains, mole hills, and monkey bars if I had to. This past year had changed me, changed all of us really, and I came out with no heart. I take that back. I'm sure I still had a heart, some figment of compassion left in the wake of the destruction of the plane crash and the storm. However, the tiny piece that was left would probably shrivel up and dry just as soon as I attempted to love again.

Instead, I had been left numb and unfeeling, paralyzed under the grief of my failing marriage, the death of my best friend, and my career nearly falling apart. Arizona asked me for a bone saw, and at this point, I was more than willing to hand it over. The only beacon of light I had left was the little girl with eyes so much like my own. Sofia is my solace, my refuge. Without Sofia, I would surely have lost my way by now. She is the only thing keeping me grounded and pushing forward. I have to be here for her and I promised myself she would not lose another parent, no matter how temporary the separation.

Shaking my head to clear it of errant thought, I continued writing my letter, taking sips and gulps of wine as I saw fit. I hadn't spoken since I left the hospital to anyone other than Sofia, and as my phone rang showing Addison's face and name, I ignored the possibility of a conversation with her. Closing my letter, I addressed the envelope before stuffing the letter in and leaving the living room to prepare for bed. Showered and changed, I encased myself in the warmth of my bed. Subconsciously, I searched out Arizona's embrace even though I knew I would not find it. Her scent had long since faded from the room and even though I committed the sweet smell to memory it simply couldn't do the live smell justice. Burrowing myself deeper under the covers, I slowly lured myself to sleep, thinking of the list of things I needed to do tomorrow.

Even when you're heartbroken, the world moves forward. Even when your marriage is headed for hell, life keeps going.

_Arizona_

To say I was sick and tired of sleeping on the couch would be the understatement of the century. But, as I made my last rounds for the evening and handed off post op care to the doctor's under my tutelage, I yearned for that couch. Any part of home would be good right about now. Today's fall out with Callie and Leah in the OR was much more than I had been prepared for. Not only that, Callie still refused to allow me to sleep near her, not that she wasn't justified. I was beyond exhausted, my prosthetic was pinching and after being up all day long my leg ached. My now more noticeable limp was attention causing and frustrating. I just wanted to be home.

Finishing rounds proved to be an astronomical task. Stopping in attending's lounge, I didn't even bother to change out of my scrubs. Grabbing my clothes, I stuffed them in my bag and headed to my car. The cool brisk winter air chilled me to the bone and I was never happier to be in the warmth and comfort of my car. For once, the elevator's in our apartment were working and I took it as a sign from some higher being that there was hope left in the world after all. Unlocking the door to our apartment, I was met with darkness, the only light coming from a table lamp Callie must have left on for me.

Going over to the couch, I removed my prosthetic before taking off my lab coat and grabbing my crutches. Hoisting myself up, I made my way to the kitchen to search for food. At direction of Callie's sticky note on the refrigerator, I pulled out the container of leftover spaghetti from tonight's dinner and made myself a small serving. I wasn't in the mood to eat much, with persistent pain in what was left of my leg but I knew I had to eat something.

There on the table, perched up against Callie's stethoscope and Sofia's Sippy cup was a letter. A crisp, cream colored envelope that I recognized from Callie's personal stationary was labeled in my wife's elegant almost aristocratic script. The penmanship was unmistakable after seeing it on several patient charts and little notes throughout the apartment. It spoke to a part of Callie's past that she had long since left behind, the girl with the trust fund and more money than Davey Crockett.

_Arizona, _

_There is so much I wish I could say to you, but I won't. Not because I don't think you can handle it, I just don't know how. I asked you to come home with the intention of fixing what was broken in our marriage. But, I realize now that is our problem. We always go for the fix. We don't work to problems together or separately. We don't even address that there is a problem until it blows up in our faces in the worst ways. Instead, we come up with fixes that allow us to avoid the problem and solve it all at once and I refuse to do it anymore._

_You said you want to make things work, well that's good. I would love to have a happy marriage. But in order for us to do that, the gloves have got to come off so I guess I'll be the first to put my cards on the table. _

_I hate you. I hate you so much I can't stand for you to touch me because every time I look at you now all I see is them and the countless times, please don't give me a number, that you allowed yourself to give them what you couldn't give me. Lauren and Leah, supposedly mean nothing to you, yet they get all of you and all I'm left with is the angry bitter shell of a woman who doesn't understand how it feels to know that even though my brain says I hate you, my heart is crying out for you._

_You don't know how it feels to watch the woman you love die in front of you even though she's still there every second of the day to throw daggers through your heart and treat you like shit. But I took it. I stood there and I let you, because that was my punishment. I failed you and from that day on you never let me forget it. You don't know what it's like to have to live with that decision knowing the person you love more than anyone in this world would hate you for the rest of your life. But still, I did it. A world with you hating me was better to me than a world where you didn't exist. _

_It was selfish of me, but if had it to do over again, I would still choose your life over your leg. Arizona Robbins, you are the most beautiful, caring, perky, self-destructive, selfish woman I have ever met and I still love you. You were my great love story. We were made for each other. Now, you have thrown that all away just so you could lose control. It's just too bad that you lost it with the wrong people. You asked me for a chance to make this work, and here it is. You are the love of my life, the other mother of my child, my wife and I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore and I damn sure don't trust you. Until you can be the woman I fell in love with, you and I will never work. So you choose Dr. Robbins. Are you ready to do what it takes or will you bail and end it now? My heart can't take another break and I refuse to risk it. If you can't be my wife and allow me to take care of you and love you as my wife, not my patient then please go now before either of us ends us worse off than we already are. Don't worry about me or Sofia. Do what's best for you, that's what you're good at. Why stop now?_

_-Calliope_

Placing the letter back on the table, I lay staring at the ceiling as tears fell from my eyes, leaving trails down my face. I had never intended to hurt Callie, the thought never even crossed my mind. Still I couldn't say that I didn't take pleasure in her suffering. I wanted her to hurt just like I did while I prayed to a God I didn't even know, hoping that I would wake up from the horrible dream of my new reality. Mine was a sick, perverse type of pleasure that comforted me in the fact that Callie would pay for what she did to me. In my mind, she deserved it and I was more than happy to give it to her.

Looking back, I can see that my own spite clouded my judgment and turned me into someone even I didn't recognize. I harbored so much hate towards myself that I projected on to Callie and she withstood the pain. I made her promise me to save my leg and although I knew it couldn't be saved I hoped that Callie would work a miracle for me. It was wrong of me to force her into a promise, but it was worse for her to break it. Even though I had been able to regain some semblance of my life back, it would never be the same.

Maybe the problem wasn't Callie, at least not mostly. The biggest and most constant problem was me. I was the problem this time and unfortunately, I couldn't perform a quick fix. No amount of bandaging and sutures could fix this. I was broken. I would have to be reset and stabilized all over again. Sitting upright on the couch, I grabbed my crutches and moved towards the shower. As the water began to cascade over me, I made a decision. It was time to let the healing begin.


	2. Author's Note

**Feel free to skip this if you want.**

**Hi you guys! I'm currently in the process of writing the next four chapters. You should expect those to be posted this weekend. After next week, I'll be done with school so I'll have more time to write. But this author's note was just to let you know I hadn't forgotten the story. I am catching up to where I should be. Also, I'd like to address the reviews I received.**

**1. I realize that a storyline is important and I also realize that some people may be offended my opinion that it never should have happened the way it did, but I won't apologize for having an opinion. You entitled to not read what I write if you feel that my opinion hinders my writing ability.**

**2. I never stated that this would be an "Arizona bashing-Callie is a saint" story. As I mentioned before, I enjoy characters with depth so what you got from the first chapter is just that, what you got from the first chapter. That does not mean I feel any specific way about one character over the other. Believe it or not, I actually don't believe either one of them is totally innocent. There will be arcs to the characters but thanks for the initial reactions. Of course, if you think my writing is crap…feel free to not read it.**

**3. I will do my best to deliver you guys a good story but, like any other person, I come at this with my individual prospective intact. That means that I can't possibly see every situation that these two characters experience the same way you will. My Arizona will be OOC but so will my Callie. However, I hope you keep reading and enjoy it.**

**4. I'm glad some of you liked it and that means I conveyed what I wished to. Thanks!**

**No more homework + a weekend off= a lot more writing to come! Thanks, for the reviews both good and bad. It's really helping me refine my writing skills.**


	3. Back in the Saddle

**Hi you guys! I am soooo sorry for the wait! I had a surprise vacation with my friends this past weekend. They whisked me away to New York for a girl's getaway before my impending graduation and nuptials. I am exhausted but I am on library duty so expect some chapters! **

**-PS. You guys are awesome!**

_Callie_

I had been reading the same sentence for the last hour.

Today was not much better than those before it. It's been five days since I left that damn letter and no progress has been made one way or another. I could blame our hectic schedules, but the reality was that Arizona was avoiding me and, to be honest, I was going out of my way to avoid her too. After we put on our happy faces for Sofia and did our parental duties every night, she was all too happy to part ways and go back to the reality of who we really were as a couple. Again, I can't say that I wasn't totally okay with that.

If you had ever asked me if I imagined I would marry a woman, ten years ago, I would have said no flat out. If you would have followed up that question with something along the lines of "Do you see yourself being married to a woman you don't even want to spend five minutes with?" I still would have answered no. Perhaps I would have even questioned your sanity. Today, I can look you in the face and said "Story of my life." with absolutely zero hesitation. Closing myself into our bedroom, I avoided the awkward conversation that was awaiting me and tried to focus on my book. So far, I hadn't made it any further than six pages.

The story of my life these days included a woman I was avoiding like a brand new strain of bird flu or the plague. I could not seem to get away from her fast enough. If I was being completely honest with myself, which it was obvious that I wasn't by the amount of time I spent plotting my life around ways not to run into my wife, I was scared, nervous, and anxious. But mostly, I was just depressed.

Snapping my book shut, I rolled over on my side and pulled my knees up to my chest. I had tried so long to hold it together but now, the tears were just rushing down my face and I was powerless to stop them. I choked back as many sobs as I could, just burying my face in the pillow to muffle my soft screams.

I knew Arizona was probably awake on the other side of the door. I didn't want her to feel my pain. I didn't want her to feel guilty for causing me so much hurt and devastation. Still, deep down I wanted her to suffer. I wanted her to feel just as used and worthless as I do. Just thinking that seems absurd to me. Arizona Robbins has never been either of those things. But, I suppose, if I fuelled her self-hate fire I would only give her another reason to turn away from me. The truth of the matter was I had failed her more than once. If I'm completely honest with myself, I didn't do any better at being her wife than I did at being her doctor.

We all know what happened when I tried to salvage her leg.

That damn leg, it's all about that leg.

I made the call to amputate and she never lets me forget it. She never lets any of us forget it. It all comes back to her leg, always. I realize that being her doctor was a position I shouldn't have been placed in to begin with but because she was my wife, I made the call. I chose to save her life over letting her die. If that makes me a monster, then I'll have to live with a dead leg hanging over my head forever.

Now were supposed to be trying to save our marriage. We're supposed to be trying to create new memories. Good memories of happiness and love for us to grow on, I guess. It's just too bad that every time she looks at me with that damned super magic smile that used to make me feel lightheaded, I want to vomit. Every time she touches me, I imagine her hands on Lauren Boswell. Every time she tries to kiss me, I think of the ten plus times she kissed and touched Leah Murphy. Everything about her makes my skin crawl. I'm repulsed by her and I don't want her near me. I don't even want to hear her speak.

But that doesn't change the fact that I need her. I need her here with me, with us, and our family. I need to know that when I wake up in the morning, the scent of her cherry blossom shampoo will be on the pillow next to mine. I need to know that when I need her to be there for me, she will be there to lean on. I need my wife, even if I don't want her anymore. Still, I said I was going to try and I will. I'm going to try to be the person she needs me to be and fight for us. I won't be cliché and say I need to do it for Sofia.

Sofia won't lose another parent that much I do know. She can be co-parented even if having both her mommies at home is the most pleasing situation. She shouldn't have to split holidays, weekends, vacations, or breaks. She shouldn't have to, but it can be done. If I'm really going to try, I need to do this for me. I need to be sure this is what I want because if I'm miserable, I will drag them down with me.

Rolling over on my back, I wait for my tears to subside before I climb out of bed. Walking into the living room, I was entranced. Watching Arizona sleep, peacefully, she looked so serene like the troubles of the world hadn't touched her. It was almost as if her dreams were her reprieve. I couldn't help moving closer, even though I knew I shouldn't give in to temptation.

"Arizona," I said into the darkness of the room my voice breaking under the weight of my emotions. I know she heard me because it was rare that she even slept heavily anymore.

"Callie, what's wrong?" she replied concern evident in her tone.

"Why do you call me that?" I inquired through a bout of full on hysterics. It was like word vomit and I couldn't stop it. My heart was crying out to her and I just prayed that for once she'd respond.

"It's your name. Callie you're starting to scare me. What's wrong?" Rejection thy name is Arizona Robbins.

"I don't know what happened but I need you. I need my wife back."

"You can't have her back. She's gone, she died in the woods. That Arizona is not coming back. I'm sorry." Even though she said sorry, I could tell she didn't really mean it. If I hadn't known any better, I'd think she was holding back to spite me. But, I did know. I knew she really did believe that. Now, I understood why she couldn't come back. She never felt like herself again after the plane crash. All the happiness, laughs, hell even enthusiasm over a new baby was a cover. Arizona still hadn't truly recovered from all of that.

"I miss her. I miss you Arizona." It was true. I didn't know what to make of the changes that had taken place emotionally and mentally for my wife. All I knew was that when I looked at her, I still saw the same beautiful, intelligent, stubborn, infuriating woman I had always loved. Maybe the problem was that she didn't see it too.

"I miss you too Callie." I had never been a fan of my given name but I most certainly was starting to dread the name I chose for myself. From Arizona's lips it sounded like a curse, an insult, the ultimate hate word. The only time she'd ever used was when she was upset. She sounded detached and cold, even though the tone of her voice hadn't changed and once again I had succumbed to tears.

Like a great wave of emotion, I was overtaken by the pain again as I sat there staring into space while wishing for a release for my rage and anger. I couldn't blame Arizona because not even she knew who she was anymore. I couldn't blame her because this wasn't my Arizona. There was a strange, hate filled person living in my home and it was decidedly not my wife.

_Arizona _

I awoke to the sound of rain pelting the window and the faint smell of bleach mixed with bacon. After a few seconds of savoring the lingering sleepiness, I forced myself to sit upright and begin the process of starting my day. Opening my eyes, I look into the most beautiful shade of dark brown eyes I had ever seen. I don't know what it is about those eyes that made me smile but I relished it.

"Mama, hug." Sofia said, coming to sit next to me as I put on my prosthesis. Snuggling into my side, I smiled at my little girl and her love of morning cuddles. I didn't blame her. I wasn't exactly a fan of them before but after she was born, morning cuddles with Sofia and Callie had become one of my favorite activities. Securing my prosthesis, I pulled her onto my lap and hugged as tight as she could stand, enjoying the sound of her little giggles.

"Good Morning, little miss. I'm so happy to see you. That was just what I needed! Where's Mami, huh?"

"Doom!"

"In our room? Hmm, you don't say."

"Has Princess Sofia had breakfast yet?" I asked, chuckling when she shyly nodded her head. She was too adorable sometimes.

"Well how about you sit here and I'll go potty." I attempted to slide her off my lap only to have her cling tighter to my neck. As cute as it was, I really had to go so I was a little less than enthused.

"Sof come?" she asked in the most adorable manner, pointing to herself to indicate exactly who she meant by "Sof". I hated to tell her no to anything, but bathroom time was private and would definitely stay that way. I knew plenty of parents who signed over there rights to private bathroom time when they signed the birth certificate. I was not one of them, unless emergency circumstances called for interruption. Our apartment is only so big. I need a place to breathe, even for just a minute.

"No, but I'll be right back I promise." I responded, kissing the top of head before lifting myself up and pushing off of the couch.

Just as I had suspected, Callie had been in a cleaning frenzy. Our bed had been stripped of its linens and the floor devoid of any sort of clothing or shoes. Rushing into the bathroom as fast as my legs would carry me, I burst through the door with a vengeance, startling the scantily clad woman in front of me.

"Jesus Christ, Arizona, a little warning would be nice." Attitude. All I had been getting these days. It's like my existence was a personal affront to Callie or something. It wouldn't kill her to be courteous but if I mentioned that I'm sure it would only start yet another argument.

"I have to go, Callie, sorry to inconvenience you. Please by all means continue to dally along." I knew I was pushing it, but I decided to take my chances. She couldn't do any worse than she'd already done and her attitude really was starting to piss me off.

"Whatever."

"Uh, could you go? I'm not going to pee with you in here."

"I've seen it all before and I have to get ready for my day; so unless you have another solution, I'd suggest you just do your business and move out of my way. Kay, sweetie."

Honestly, I really did have to use the bathroom so I let the argument go. The only problem was the entire time I couldn't keep my eyes off of Callie. It's no wonder really. Calliope Torres was a beautiful woman. There was something just something about the way her birth mark plays peekaboo from her bra, or the way her body curved in just the right places as if she was molded just for me. Hell, I even found her faint stretch marks sexy. Everything about Calliope turned me on beyond belief and frustrated me to no end.

As much as I longed to touch, kiss, and make love to Calliope Torres, I couldn't. Okay, I could. Being married to her, it is sort of my martial duty, I suppose. But, I knew my heart would never be in it. The connection we used to feel in our most intimate moments had been broken and that was my fault. I can't make love to a person that feels like another woman's wife. I could have sex with Calliope, mind blowing, amazing sex, but that's not making love. We don't flirt or any of the other things we once did. Now it would be rushed, quick, fulfilling, amazing, primal and dirty. It's like two strangers groping in the middle of a club. Totally hot, but dirty and shameful.

Shaking my head to try and return myself to reality, I push pass Callie to wash my hands and exit the bathroom as quickly as possible. In the living room, Sofia bounced in her seat as Doc McStuffins played on the television. For once, in that moment, a sense of normalcy came over me and I felt at peace. Routine and organization had always been a necessity for me and maintaining our Saturday schedule was a top priority. Being able to stick to my alone time with Sofia allowed me to just focus on us.

Sofia is the sweetest little girl I know. She knows when I need cuddles, and she never lets me watch Disney alone. I was so set against having children, but now I couldn't imagine my life without her. Even with all that's happened, Sofia is always happy to see her Mama.

Scooping her up in my arms, I lowered us both onto the couch, her sitting in my lap as we watched cartoons. Every so often, Sofia would ask questions or hug my midsection as if to reassure herself that I was really there. I didn't mind it though. I was more than happy to provide her with any comfort she needed.

Two hours, a bowl of cereal, and a marathon of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse later, Sofia was sprawled out on the same couch I had previously occupied sleeping the day away. I couldn't help but laugh at the position she was in. Head hanging on the arm rest with her lips slightly parted, she looked so much like her Mami. It was hilarious and endearing all at once. Pulling her into my embrace, she rested her head on my chest and soon we were both asleep with the television watching us. Just like every other Saturday since the storm.


	4. Call to Arms

_Callie_

After checking over my makeup, I walked out into the living room to see Sofia's wild brown hair resting against Arizona's chest as the two slept, the rise and fall of Arizona's chest as she breathed made visible in the slight rise and fall of our daughters head. Inwardly, I smiled. Sofia's connection with Arizona had always been special from the beginning. I don't know if it was a tactile thing or if Sofia was simply comforted by the sound of Arizona's heartbeat more than my own. Whatever it was, those two were virtually joined at the hip on days like this. Sofia was a happy, perky, well-adjusted little girl and her Mama was just as perky and childlike when in her daughter's presence. There are many things I have doubted about Arizona when Sofia was born, but her ability to shower our daughter with love and devotion has never been one. I often said that once she decided she actually did want kids, it's like she had been born for it.

Going over to turn off the television, I picked up Sofia's sippy cup off the floor and grabbed my purse. I was tempted to stay in and wallow in my pity but I had errands to run and shopping to do before I could actually relax and enjoy the time off. Scribbling down a quick note, I closed up the apartment and locked it. I couldn't help but say a silent prayer that the apartment not be a total mess when I returned.

If I was totally honest with myself, what I was doing was selfish but I couldn't stop myself from indulging in the guilty pleasure. It had taken me all night to convince myself that I deserved to take a moment for myself, to just relax and unwind. I gave in shortly before sun rise after rationalizing it as symbolism of a new beginning.

Staring at the name plate on the door when I exited the elevator, I cringed.

Dr. Camille Price. Psychologist.

My stomach turned and I felt the urge to expel everything I'd eaten from my body. I was resisting the urge to run away, even though I was terrified of what was about to happen. When I decided to go through with this, I did so under the assumption that it would be just like talking to any other doctor. However, judging by my sweaty palms and the way my legs kept jumping, this wouldn't be anything like that.

Mentally preparing myself for what I was about to do, I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked up to the receptionist while inside I felt like I was going to vomit.

"Hi, I'm Callie Torres. I have a consultation with Dr. Price at 12:30"

"Oh yes, here you are Dr. Torres. Hold on just one moment. I'll go see if she's ready for you."

"Okay."

Standing at the desk, I willed myself to shifting from foot to foot, my motions reminiscent of what Christina calls my "potty dance". Opening my purse, I pull out my phone and focus on the picture of Sofia with cake smeared all over her face and sporting matching smiles with the blonde woman crouched next to her. It was hard for me to believe that was on a few months ago when it seemed like it was a different lifetime. Still, just one glance at the picture made me smile.

"She's ready for you, Dr. Torres. Go right in." the receptionist answered startling me to the point that I nearly dropped the phone in my hand. Regaining my composure, I put it away and squared my shoulders before taking a step towards the office. It was time to walk tall and get over it. I had to go in there whether I liked it or not. So, I might as well present my best self.

The scene I was expecting was nothing like what I was met with. The office itself was both open and modern, nothing like the stuffy and academic like offices you always see on tv. There was a great focal piece of artwork on the wall and for a second I considered just looking at that for the duration of my appointment today. That's to say nothing of the woman who occupied the office.

Dr. Camille Price was what my mother would have called a refined woman. You could just tell she had impeccable manners, or at least she exuded the air of someone who was just to traveling in the most elite circles. She was relatively petite in stature and frame and had a head full of raven colored hair, with the exception of the one grey streak to the right side. She had aged gracefully and her green eyes were striking. Simply put, she was beautiful. Far from my type, but she was a beautiful woman.

"Dr. Torres, hello. I'm Dr. Price."

"Hi, please call me Callie. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Well, Callie, it's a pleasure to meet you as well. Your reputation precedes you. I've heard good things about your cartilage regeneration research."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Good, now that pleasantries have been exchanged I think we have much to discuss. But, before we do I need to warn you Dr. Torres that I am here to help you work through whatever problems you may be facing right now. However, I cannot do that if you don't give me anything to work with. I don't care if you are angry or emotional, that's to be expected. I only ask that you are totally honest with both me and yourself. If not, I'll still get paid, but I fear how this could turn out for you."

"Okay, I'll do whatever it takes."

"Great, , so tell me a little bit about yourself."

"It seems like you know yourself pretty well and have thought a bunch about what you would like to talk about here. People who show up here have all but thrown in the towel, perhaps even exhibited a tad bit of exasperation. If you don't mind, I'm going to ask you some questions, and take notes about what you say so I can keep it fresh in my memory. Oh, and feel free to interrupt me at any time or steer the conversation to where you need it to go. In your mind, what brings you here today?"

"I want to fix my marriage."

"Is that the only reason you're here Callie? Remember, be honest with yourself."

"Yes…no….I don't know. I'm confused about how it got to the point where I would willingly turn to a psychologist to help me solve my own problems. No offense or anything, but I don't get why I'm the one that has to do this. Arizona was the one in the plane crash, not me. She's the one that needs help. I shouldn't be here, nothing is wrong with me and I paid too much for you to sit here and listen to me complain for an hour on a Saturday morning."

"Do you think your wife was the only one who was affected by what happened to her, Callie?"

"No, I mean I know we've all been changed because of it, but I feel like I don't have the right to complain."

"Okay, let's just take a minute to breathe. The first step to getting help is accepting that you actually need help. It may manifest in a different form for you than it does for Arizona, but you both suffered through a great ordeal. Something that was no doubt very strenuous on your marriage, and neither of you ever sought help to deal with the changes."

"But I don't —" I said finally finding my voice and with it my will to speak out. I needed her to understand that I didn't come her to work on me. My marriage was my main focus in all this. Now was not the time to psychoanalyze my problems.

"I know as doctors, we tend to make the worse patients because we feel like we should be able to fix it or have a better way of doing things. But, if I've learned anything, I've learned that the human mind is an extraordinary place. It can create illusions of happiness, self-doubt, anger, and hopelessness. Even the strongest of us can fall prey to this. I am here to help you work through this, but you have to let me."

So maybe I had been look at this the wrong way. Maybe in order to truly fix my marriage, I needed to fix me too.

"Okay."

"Good, that's all we have time for today Dr. Torres. Thank you for sharing with me. If you choose to continue and work this out, I'll be here waiting next Saturday at the same time. Oh, and please, talk to wife before you show up next time." Dr. Price said shaking my hand and showing me out to the lobby.

"How did you-"

"This isn't my first rodeo. I know how this works. Don't worry. Whatever you say to her can only go one of two ways. Be brave and do it. You can't get better if you never acknowledge the problems."

"Thank you." I said before leaving the office and rushing to my car. Resting my head on the steering wheel as my eyes stung with tears. I had to do this now or it would never happen. Pulling my phone out of the center console, I scrolled to a name that was rarely if ever in use these days. After four rings, she answered.

"Meredith Grey."

"I need help Meredith." I sobbed while listening to the deafening silence. Meredith said nothing, but I could practically hear her thinking. Eventually, she released a deep sigh and I steeled myself for her to turn me away. We weren't really what I'd consider to be friends. She was under no obligation to help me. This was something I should talk to Addison about, but I couldn't even remember the last time we spoke to each other.

"Meet me at the park."

Arizona

Derek had come by and picked up Sofia under the pretense of Callie and Meredith having scheduled a sleepover for Zola and Sofia. I was pissed that Callie cut into my time with Sofia and neglected to mention the change in plans to me, but I held my tongue at the sight of Zola and Sof's matching pouts when I tried to speak out against it. Sofia shouldn't have to pay for her mom being an inconsiderate asshole lately. I packed her overnight bag and sent her off.

Now, I sat at the counter looking into the brown eyes of my wife, scared shitless.

I don't know if Callie could tell, but I felt like I was sweating buckets of liquid through my pores. My stomach had dropped and I could feel the tears coming on. Callie stood in front of me with her "I mean business" face on and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was in deep shit. My authority issues played a small part in the equation but I was also freaking out because I knew we were actually going to have to face what was wrong with us, both individually and as a couple.

I felt like my tongue had been glued to the roof of my mouth and everything in me screamed for me not to say anything. So instead I stood and watched. Thankfully Callie took this as her cue.

"There are some things I have no desire to ever know. I don't want to know how many times you sleep with Leah Murphy; I don't want to know if you feel anything for either of them, I don't want to know how many times you thought about cheating on me before you did it. None of that can matter to me right now because if I allow those things to matter, I will leave and not look back. I want to know if you are prepared to do what is necessary to make this marriage work. I want to know if I can trust you, I want to know if you are going to stick around and actually work at getting better instead of hiding the truth and lashing out. I need to know those things because if you aren't I don't need to waste time working for what you don't want. We have to be in this thing together, otherwise I'll call an attorney tomorrow and we can figure out where to go from here."

"Yes, Callie, I'm all in. I know I've hurt you and I messed up. I know I keep saying it but I'm sorry."

"You did hurt me Arizona. You broke me in a way that one else has. You promised you'd never lie to me or cheat on me, but you did. You broke your promise, but I broke my promise to you too. And I've accepted that it happened. I know you're sorry. I know you messed up. I know all of that. I just want us both to accept that it happened and work towards forgiving each other."

"How do you forgive somebody for taking your leg away?" I mumbled without even thinking.

"How do you forgive somebody for breaking their vows?" Callie countered, "It's not easy, but I choose to believe that I love you enough to see past what you've done. I'm not going to allow one mistake to ruin my marriage. I won't tolerate not even trying to have a happy marriage. I can't live like this. It's stressing me out and quite frankly, Arizona, I don't deserve it. So you decide, are you ready to work or have you given up?"

She was posing an ultimatum, but I knew she genuinely saw no fault in her own actions. To her, she was the picture of perfection and I was the one who needed to make things right between us, like I was the only one who had a hand in messing it up. I may have taken part in the action that acted as the catalyst for our nasty separation, but things were bad long before that ever happened.

"I don't know how many times I have to say it, Callie. I'm ready to work on our marriage." I said a little more annoyed with her constantly needing assurance that I was going to try. If I wanted to leave I would be gone already.

"Okay, well, I'm talking to someone and I don't know if you want to go that route but that's what I'm doing. I need to be able to express how I feel and I also need to talk to someone who will let me process what's happened without crucifying me every time I speak. I really want this to work so I'm willing to try anything once."

"I don't know, Callie, let me think about it, okay?" Crucify her? Really?! Who in the hell does she think she is? She isn't some patron saint of lost causes or anything and she damn sure isn't some martyr. While I understood the figure of speech for what it was, the part of me cringed in the inside when she started to spout her holier than thou bullshit, wanted to scream. She was acting like the sun shined out of her ass.

"Sure. It's going to take a while for me to trust you fully again and I know sex is the furthest thing from my mind, but you can sleep in our bed from now on." Callie said, turning in the direction of the kitchen, effectively leaving me and ending our conversation as if everything had been solved.

She had no idea how wrong she really was. I admitted to my faults and it was high time she did the same.


End file.
